Machismo doesn't sound very masculine when you really have the word floating around in your mouth (no homo) does it? Ma cheese mo. Sounds more like an italian kid asking for more parmasean on his veal; "Ma! Cheese! Mo!" Yet it still evokes a greasy, stoic, intensely male image that - aside from biker/bouncers, certain firemen, and mechanics - isn't a character type that has much stage time in our culture. Androgyny, sensitivity, and being really into bands are the sweeping sentiments for most male youth of these early 2010s, providing they don't need to steal in order to eat or are psychos born on naval bases. And to be honest? I'm fine with that. Except when it comes to the way we deal with women.
I should also say that I couldn't care less about providing women advice to strangers in a zine column. I also do not mean to marginalize homosexuals here, it's just that dude on dude relationships are really complicated and I'm not going to pretend to understand them. All that said, I do feel like a giant wave of pussification has contaminated a large sect of our gender. I mean, do you think your grandfather needed a leather bound book with a cheap red ribbon bookmark and gold glitter pages called 'The Game' to bang your grandma? Or did he knock back a 26 of dark liquour, tell her how many kids he wanted, and swing her over his shoulder? And I bet your grandpa banged tons of strange vajay before that. It's the circle of life.
Now what we have is a bunch of mp3 downloading pot addicts that would rather send a tweet to Kim Kardashian on their iPad than tell the friend of a friend (who is a 7, by the way) sitting beside him he likes her purple sweater. Or worse, the Jersey Shore guidos (who have been around for a lot longer than MTV would have you think) who travel in tanned packs attracting mosquitos with the fumes from their hair spray telling chicks their mom's basement has a sweet pullout.
Whatever debilitating social handicap you'd like to call upon in order to inform a discussion about the modern male's failure to secure women, the fact is, masculinity and the essence of our gender has been clouded by the over-analysis of dating and the fashionized image of the modern man. There's nothing wrong with being thoughtful and considerate, or caring about the way you look, but once you lose touch with yourself and your goals as a man, you're fucked. If you're an average looking dude who's really into audio equipment and can tell a couple of good jokes, don't pretend like you're a kingshit DJ with a billion places to be and a resume of 55 hot slut models, just buy that down to earth broad a drink and hope to God she swallows. Otherwise you're going to end up as another coked out 30 year old scheming on 22 year old girls for cuddles, and trust me, nobody wants that.
Lucien Stewart
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